I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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