hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
