No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
