She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it hurts more in the daytime
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Life is so much better after having sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
