peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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