Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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