Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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