I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
