Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
