my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That accounts for only three of the penises
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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