I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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