If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
