i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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