I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
