Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
only you would photoshop your dick
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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