Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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