You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
