You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
