Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Floor bacon is actually really good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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