tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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