Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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