wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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