So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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