he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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