when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
