just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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