I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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