We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
