she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
