I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
