im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
