why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
