I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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