My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
