Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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