oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
