I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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