She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
