Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
