Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
