Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
