I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
