was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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