Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
