apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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