how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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