I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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