This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We got so high we made milksteak
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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