K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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