so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
