We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Farmville is her only friend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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