I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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