She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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