Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
