I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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