jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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