Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
