3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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