i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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