All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Your cock deserves a montage
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
