Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
