just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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