We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize