we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize