Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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