Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
