So drunk its hurt
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
