Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
