so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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