So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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