I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
